A BOOK REVIEW 4 U – SMOKE SCREEN by Kyle Mills
“Good morning ladies and gentlemen and welcome to another edition of Book Review 4 U. Today we will be reviewing a book by Kyle Mills called Smoke Screen. Mills, you may recall startled many readers with his initial novel, Rising Phoenix, with the novel idea of poisoning the nation’s illegal drug supply in order to curtail it’s use. Smoke Screen is Mill’s sixth book and whereas his previous books were all mystery thrillers, this one shoots off in a new direction.”
“With us this fine Saturday morning our usual panel members ET and Pamela Anderson. Et of course is our resident Science Fiction expert and Pamela doesn’t know that much about books but she sure is nice to look at, right ET. Gimme three! That a boy! The gentleman in the middle is of course ET’s long time interpreter Hailey Comet and last but not least is our two guest panel members, Film Maker, Michael Moore and Comedian Jerry Seinfield and Mike, please don’t worry about that chair. I of course I am your host, If you don’t recognize me, my name is William Jefferson Clinton. I used to work for the government but now I’ve got a real job and I’m loving it.”
“As usual I’ll read the fly leaf of the book, giving everybody a feeling for the book and then we’ll have our usual comment from our resident Epinionator Dee Dawning and then we’ll open things up for discussion by our panel. Sorry ET but this one isn’t your favorite, Science Fiction but it is a good book, isn’t it? You haven‘t read it yet but you‘ll read it on the commercial break.”
“Gee Bill, I wish I could read that fast. It took me a week of solid reading to get ready for this one”
“Well baby you know you don‘t have to contribute. You just have to sit there like you do, doing your thing.”
“I know Billy boy but I want to contribute for a change.”
“Okay, let’s move on. Here’s what the dust jacket, fly leaf has to say.”
“Through an inexplicable series of unwanted promotions, Trevor Barnett has become the lead spokesman for the tobacco industry just as it’s on the verge of extinction. Plaintiffs’ attorneys have finally found the weakness they’ve been searching for and filed a $200 billion lawsuit that the industry will be unable to appeal.”
“America’s tobacco companies react by doing the unthinkable – they close their plants and recall their products from retailers’ shelves. Trevor is charged with the task of going on national television and making the announcement: Not another cigarette will be manufactured of sold until the industry is given ironclad protection from the courts.”
As the economy falters and chaos takes hold, Trevor becomes the target of enraged smokers, gun totting cigarette smugglers and a government that has been off from one of it’s largest sources of revenue. Soon it becomes clear that this has always been his function – to take the brunt of the backlash and shield the men in power from the maelstrom they’ve created.”
“There’s more but I think the audience gets the idea. We now have Mr. Daumco on the phone to get his analysis. Good morning Mr. D. I hope it‘s not too early for you back in Arizona, after all it is six o’clock there isn‘t it?”
“No Problem, I’m up with the quail and cottontails”
“Good, if I may get right to the point, what did you think of Smoke Screen?”
“Well Bill, I really loved it. Up until this book, Kyle Mills has been a serious novelist but on his latest novel, Smoke Screen he has displayed a latent jocularity and borrowed from the masters of tongue in cheek humor to put out a subtlety droll and amusingly clever book. He succinctly tells an excellent, witty story, doesn‘t get too detail oriented doesn‘t try to foist his superior vocabulary on the reader, so you don‘t need a dictionary next to you”
“What I like about Kyle Mill‘s books, which I like to varying degrees, is that he comes up with some seriously different and interesting plots. He‘s not the only one that can do that, of course but it seems like some major authors rehash the same plots only on a more massive scale.”
“I read a bio on this guy and he doesn’t even have a background in writing, he just tried it, managed with difficulty to get his first book published and now he’s off and running. I’m impressed and I‘m impressed with his writing as well. He doesn‘t waste words. His writing is direct, he doesn‘t meander off in other directions and he‘s smooth. This book is less than 350 pages, when 500 plus is the apparent norm.”
“Great, thanks again Mr D for your insights. How’s that book of yours coming along?”
“We’re getting there. Thanks for asking, Bill”
“You’re welcome, good luck. So what do you rate this book?”
“Sorry Bill, I thought that was obvious – Five big ones!”
“Wonderful. We‘ll take a break now and when we come back we‘ll hear what our panel has to say”
_______________
“Ok Panel, let’s talk about Smoke Screen.”
“Yes Pamela.”
“I loved it, it was humorous and droll and clever and ah…………..oh yeah succinct and I give it five stars.”
“Hmmmm, ok ET how did you see it”
“Mr ET thought it was very good but he would like to have seen some sex scenes and for it to take place in space but he still gave it five stars”
“I see, sex scenes huh, I thought you guys were unisex, oh well Mike what did you think? Mike, hello Mike!”
“Sorry Bill, I was just noticing a spot of dirt on Pamela‘s ……..never mind. What did you ask me Bill?”
“What we‘re here for, your evaluation of Smoke Screen.”
“Oh sure, I thought it would make a great movie, though I wouldn‘t let the bad guys, I mean tobacco guys off the hook. You know there are so many bad guys. Everywhere you look bad guys. Look what happened to you, scandalous,”
“Michael!”
“No no, not you, the way you were treated. You‘d think you started a war or something.A”
“Michael!”
“Yes, yes, sorry I digressed. I thought the book was super. I really liked the union guy. I laughed so hard at what he said about Trevor‘s father that I lost my cigarette and burned the couch. Five Stars, definitely five stars.”
“Thank you Michael. How about you Jerry?”
“Good book Bill, but I don’t think we’ve said enough about the characters and the excellent character development. Michael mentioned the pragmatic Union leader, Larry Mann but we also had Trevor’s anti tobacco activist, love interest Anne, the calculating corporate guru, Paul Trainer, Trevor’s always partying, fair weather friend Darius and of course Trevor’s suppressive, conniving father Edwin Barnett.”
“The whole time I was reading Smoke Screen, I couldn’t help but remember another humorous book about the tobacco industry by William Buckley’s son, Christopher Buckley, titled Thank You for Not Smoking and the writing style also reminded me of Carl Hiassen’s work.
“All in all I thought it was a clever, slightly sarcastic story with some real funny lines. I may have to borrow some for my act. Just kidding. I‘ll make it unanimous, Five Stars.”
“Thanks Jerry. So there you have it, Smoke Screen by Kyle Mills. Buy it!”
Social Security – America’s Trojan Horse
December 19, 2004
Social Security has always been a hot button for me.
I don’t know if had anything to do with me but in 1992 shortly after being inaugurated, President Clinton seemed to be proposing gradually raising the age of eligibility for social security retirement, a suggestion that I made by letter two weeks prior outlining my rationale and the benefits of doing so.
Of course, after just mentioning such a possibility, the opposing party and most elderly people jumped on the idea and squashed it thoroughly, even though the average recipient now lives twenty-five percent longer than they did in the beginning.
Social Security has been called the third rail of politics – touch it and you die. It has also been called a boondoggle and a Ponzi scheme, all of which have the fruits of truth.
Now our illustrious leader wants to tackle Social Security himself by allowing taxpayers to invest up to two thirds of their contributions into a private retirement account.
This idea leads to many more questions. What about the Medicaid portion? Will Employers still match a private account contribution? If not who makes up the difference? Who will protect these people from their own bad investments? Will private accounts be regulated for security and stability? Will only these accounts be restricted to Mutual Fund style accounts which spread out and diminish both risk and gain? If Private accounts are approved, how will the large shortfall be made up in the short and long run? If sums are to be borrowed for this endeavor, who will be responsible for repayment?
These and many more questions need to be answered. We don’t need any more open ended endeavors
A Book Review 4 U – The Journal of Mortifying Moments
“Good morning ladies and gentlemen and welcome to another edition of A Book Review 4 U. Today we will be reviewing a book by Robyn Harding intriguingly called The Journal of Mortifying Moments, which apparently is her initial book.
“With us, this fine Saturday morning, our usual panel members ET and Pamela Anderson. ET of course is our resident Science Fiction expert and Pamela doesn’t know all that much about books, but she sure is nice to look at, right ET. Gimme three! That a boy! The gentleman to his left is, of course, ET’s long time interpreter Hailey Comet, and last but not least is our two guest panel members, Presidential Advisor, Karl Rogu . . . ah, er, excuse me, Karl Rove and controversial Comedian Chris Rock. Sorry about the slip Karl. Yes Chris.”
“What yo mean controversial? Ain’t nobody more controversial than you!”
“Well, I supposed you do have a point there Chris. I, of course, I am your host, if you don’t recognize me, my name is William Jefferson Clinton. I used to work for the government, but now I’ve have a real job and I’m loving it.”
“As usual, I’ll give a brief summary of the book, giving everybody a feeling for the book and then we’ll have a comment from our resident opinionator, Mr. D and then we’ll open things up for discussion by our panel. Sorry ET but this one isn’t your favorite, Science Fiction, but it is a good book, isn’t it? What? Again? You haven‘t read it yet, but you‘ll read it on the commercial break. I wish you wouldn’t do that. You make everybody envious, including the lovely lady sitting next to you.”
“Oh don’t worry about it Billy-boy. I realize he has some amazing attributes but I have some attributes too.”
“Pamela?”
“Yes Chris?”
“I just want you to know that I think your attributes are pretty amazing. Can I see them.”
“Pamela. Stop that!”
“Why, Billy-boy? I did it on The Howard Stern Show.”
“Pamela. Do you see those cameras out there? This is television. That was radio.”
“I know Billy-boy but I want to contribute for a change.”
“I want you to contribute too, but not to a big FCC fine. You can contribute after the show. “Okay, let’s move on. Here’s a brief summary of the book.”
Kerry Spence is in a chronic dead end relationship with her dreamboat of a boyfriend Sam Miller. She also works in an ad agency where she can’t stand ninety percent of her co-workers and vice-versa. She also seems to be on a different page than her mother, who always seems to be putting her down adding to her already low self-esteem.
The only bright spot in otherwise her bleak existence is the friendship and loyalty of her good friends Sandra, Val and Michelle and a friendship with a gay coworker Trevor. Unfortunately her friends are also borderline neurotic and don’t seem to be helpful.
So, what do you do when you feel outclassed by your boyfriend, disparaged by your mother and can’t stand your job? Why, go to a therapist of course. What did the therapist come up with? She asked Kerry to write a journal of her most humiliating experiences. At first she thinks this is a inane project but as she continues to write her most embarrassing moments, which all happen to involve men, in her Journal of Mortifying Moments, she begins to come to some realizations.
“We now have Mr. D on the phone to get his analysis. Good morning Mr. D. I hope it‘s not too early for you back in Arizona, after all it is six o’clock there isn‘t it?”
“No Problem. The coyotes kept me up, howling all night”
“I’m sorry. If I may get right to the point, what did you think of this weeks book, The Journal of Mortifying Moments?”
“Well Bill, for typical, so called chick lit, I thought the good outweighed the bad. The author Robyn Harding displays a jocularity and sense of irony. Some of the scenarios and that’s what the book is – a series of scenarios – were clever and well portrayed, but the humor in all cases was at the expense of the heroine, who by the way, I never got a sense of. To my knowledge the author never really described Kerry other than she herself felt she had a large and expanding butt.”
The fact that the heroine was depicted in such an unflattering light was a problem for me. She seemed to be so vulnerable and incompetent, it even seems odd to call her a heroine. Protagonist is probably more apt. When I think of Kerry the word buffoon comes to mind, like she was playing a straight man, or lady in this case, to fate.”
The author’s overall character development was adequate but just barely. Some characters more than others. I had a good feel for Trevor, who was pretty good by the way and Sandra and Kerry’s mom, but Val and Michelle were strangers except Michelle was logical and business like.”
Harding’s writing style is well paced, uses dialogue effectively and has a reader friendly prose style. She doesn‘t waste words, her writing is direct, she doesn‘t meander off in other directions and she‘s smooth. This book is 308 pages, when 500 plus is the apparent norm. Despite the fact that some of the scenes and scenarios, seemed contrived, The Journal of Mortifying Moments, as a whole, holds up well. Especially for a debut.”
“Great, thanks again Mr. D for your insights. How’s that book of yours coming along?”
“We’re finished and in for printing. Thanks for asking, Bill”
“You’re welcome, good luck. So what do you rate this book?”
“Sorry Bill, I giving The Journal of Mortifying Moments – Three and a half stars!”
“Excellent. We‘ll take a break now and when we come back we‘ll hear what our panel has to say.”
****
“OK Panel, we’re back live now. Let’s talk about The Journal of Mortifying Moments.”
“Yes Pamela.”
“I loved it. I thought it was humorous, droll and clever. And ah . . . oh yeah succinct and I loved the mortifying moments. Like when she was twelve and the shy boy she had a crush on, told how many times a day he touched himself, rather than take Kerry behind a bush and kiss her. I give it 4 1/2 stars.”
“Hmmmm, ok ET how did you see it”
“Mr ET thought it was good, but he would like to have seen the sex scenes be more explicit and for it to take place in space. He still gives it four stars”
“I see, explicit sex scenes huh, I thought you guys were unisex, oh well Karl what did you think? Karl, hello Karl!”
“Sorry Bill, I was just noticing a little bump on Pamela‘s . . . never mind. What did you ask me again?”
“What we‘re here for, your evaluation of The Journal of Mortifying Moments.”
“Certainly. Ahhem. I thought the book, while cleverly written, set a poor example to the young women of this great nation. It extolls promiscuous behavior and wanton sex, even in unromantic situations. I’m no prude, mind you, but Sandra deciding to have the baby of her sixty-five year old married boyfriend was over the top. Not to mention that some of Kerry’s mortifying moments were licentious and demeaning. Take the one where she ties up her boyfriend d’ jour to the bedposts with the use of scarves only to start a fire from a plethora of burning candles, some of which were set in a pentagram for God’s sake.”
“Karl!”
“Yes, yes, sorry I digressed. I think the book is well written but the subject matter is vulgar and our people should stay away from it. Two stars, I give it two stars.”
“Thank you Karl. Chris. How about you?”
“A pentagram huh? Wow! Where did you see that? You know, Bill, I liked the book, but are white chicks really that screwed up? I mean, man they’s worse than black chicks, playing games, not answering the phone, trying to guess what her man’s thinking. Seems like she coulda saved herself a whole lot of trouble. Just spit it out girl and stop acting so . . . silly!”
“Man that Kerry chick’s got some serious hang-ups and some of those so called mortifying moments like when one of her fiance wants her to join in a foursome. Hey. You gotta chill out girl. Go with the flow. That shouldn’t be mortifying. It should be stimulating.”
“I agree with Mr. D – 3 1/2 stars.”
“Thanks Chris. So there you have it, The Journal of Mortifying Moments by Robyn Harding. Buy it!”
“That’s it for now. Join us next week when our guest reviewers will be Paris Hilton and Governor Schwarten . . . Schwartze . . . the Governor of California.”
“Until next week this is Willie-boy Clinton signing off. Have a great day!”
Do You Feel Safer?
The Bottom Line I say Bush has made us less safe by morphing young Muslim hot heads into terrorists. What do you think?
The big discussion these days, just prior to the midterm election seems to be whether we are safer or less safe than we were after 9/11.
I’m confused about that myself so I’ve decided to take a poll.
Here are a dozen multiple choice questions to show what we think..
President Bush’s pre-emptive war on Iraq has made –
a. U.S. citizens safer
b. Iraqi citizens safer
c. American servicemen safer
d. Osama bin Laden safer
President Bush and Republican claim that the Democrats don’t have the stomach to fight terrorism. Is that –
a. A known known
b. A known unknown
c. An unknown known
d. Partisan bullsh*t
The Democratic response to this is that President Bush and his advisors don’t have the brains to fight terrorism. Is that –
a. Partisan bullsh*t
b. A chip off the ole block
c. Hard work
d. A known known
Weapons of mass destruction were not found in Iraq because –
a. They’re there – buried in the desert
b. The Iraqi people were so hungry, they ate them
c. The intelligence was taken out of a comic book.
d. They was fooled
The intelligence used to justify the war was flawed because –
a. Clinton didn’t do enough to catch Osama bin Laden
b. Richard Clarke was a traitor
c. Saddam Hussein started a disinformation campaign
d. They picked only the intelligence backed their position.
The real reason the Bush cabal pushed for war in Iraq was –
a. Although they couldn’t prove it, they knew Hussein was behind 9/11
b. Rumsfeld was real good at playing Risk. Monopoly too! (but not sorry)
c. Cheney decided that he missed something in the Viet Nam experience after all.
d. The butt of jokes in West Texas for years, Bush wanted to show everybody he could really find oil.
If you had an emergency, like your house was about to flood from a hurricane or something. You would call –
a. George W. Bush
b. The Ghostbusters
c. Osama bin Laden
d. Your insurance agent
Democrats and some Republicans say the administration fixed the intelligence to make the case for war. You think.
a. It’s partisan bullsh*t
b. The end justifies the means
c. Democrats can’t take a joke
d. We should impeach the bastard
Six Generals who had served in Iraq, recently said Rumsfeld has mismanaged the war and should go. You think
a. Everybody is entitled to a booboo or fifty (look at the President)
b. Rummy is no dummy. He just acts like it
c. He gives the most interesting press conferences since Baghdad Bob
d. Put him in charge of security for Darth Cheney.
President Bush keeps saying we are fighting the terrorists in Iraq so we don’t have to fight them here. You think.
a. No attacks in five years – good job George.
b. The big ones take time
c. Can’t you just picture George decapitating a terrorist with his golf club.
d. At the rate we’re going we won’t have an army to fight them over there.
The Bush administration has recently been accused of portraying a rosier picture in Iraq than the reality. You think.
a. The Iraqis are cry babies
b. Wouldn’t you
c. I like roses
d. Saddam is looking better and better
President Bush, Vice Pres, Cheney and Sec of State Rice have all said, Knowing what they know now they would still attack Iraq. You think.
a. I told you they were tough.
b. They’re all nuttier than a fruitcake
c. Has there ever been a military coup in the U.S.?
d. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.
Okay. That completes the poll. Total up your answers allowing one point for an a. answer, two for b., three for c and four for d, total up you answers and look below for the results.
Twelve to fifteen points – You are a true believer. Report for duty in Iraq immediately for adventure Bush style.
Sixteen to twenty-six points – You are an independent person but not too bright and not too safe.
Twenty-seven to thirty-eight points – You are not too bright. Have you thought of running for President.
Thirty-nine points to forty-eight points – You didn’t vote for Bush. Did you?
A Book Review for U – The Secret Man
As I stated in my initial posting, I wrote numerous reviews and as I intimated, to break the monotony and to the chagrin of some administrators, I would occasionally write a farcical review. This is such a review, based on the fictional A Book Review for U show. Here is one of my favorites from that show. Enjoy.
THE SECRET MAN by Bob Woodward
“Good morning ladies and gentlemen and welcome to a special edition of Book Review 4 U. Today we will be reviewing the new book by Bob Woodward entitled The Secret Man. Woodward, you may recall, along with Carl Bernstein, both reporters for the Washington Post, helped lead the expose of the Watergate scandal and associated misdeeds, which startled many readers with their revealing and concise reporting during those trying times. This duo collaborated on many best selling books of this period including the best selling All the Presidents Men which, you may recall was later made into a movie. I’m sure you all remember that Woodward was assisted in these endeavors by inside information from an inscrutable source. This mysterious individual was eventually given the nickname Deep Throat. The identity of Deep Throat, which has been widely speculated upon for years, was recently revealed in a Vanity Fair article last month as former FBI second in command Mark Felt and the book The Secret Man, which was rushed to the press shortly after, confirms Felt’s identity as Deep Throat.
“With us this fine Saturday morning is our usual panel members ET and Pamela Anderson. ET of course is our resident Science Fiction expert and Pamela doesn’t know that much about books but she sure is nice to look at, right ET. Gimme three! That a boy! The gentleman in the middle is of course ET’s long time interpreter Hailey Comet and last but not least is our two guest panel members, Film Actress, Lind Lovelace, who of course was known for her starring role in the pornographic movie Deep Throat and is sometimes referred to as Deep Throat herself and another lady who some consider an expert on deep throat affairs, Monica Lewinski. So good to see you again Monica. Have you been behaving yourself lately?”
“So good to see you again too Bill. You know I have a penchant for powerful men but I am working on it. I’m presently attending weekly meeting at Sex Addicts anonymous. In disguise of course.”
“Well Monica, you just blew it there, er, your identity I mean. You are after all on TV. Well just remember to get your dresses cleaned.
“I of course I am your host, If you don’t recognize me, my name is William Jefferson Clinton. I used to work for the government and I know something about scandals.
“As usual I’ll read the fly leaf of the book, giving everybody a feeling for the book and then we’ll have a usual comment from our resident Epinionator Mr. Daumco. After that we’ll open things up for discussion by our panel. Sorry ET but this one isn’t your favorite, Science Fiction either, but it is a good book, isn’t it?
“What’s that. You haven‘t read it yet but you‘ll read it on the commercial break. Hailey, why does he keep doing that? Never mind.”
“Well, Bill. I want you to know that I read it and it only took me four days. It is a short book you know? Only two hundred twenty pages.”
“Good for you Pam. I knew I could count on you. Now straighten up. That‘s it, now throw your shoulders back. Ahhh, I love it when you wear those low cut tops.”
“Here is what the dust jacket says, in part”
“In Washington DC, where little stays secret for long, the identity of Deep Throat – the mysterious source who helped Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein break open the Watergate scandal in 1972 – remained hidden for 33 years. Now Woodward tells the story of his long complex relationship with W. Mark Felt, the enigmatic former No 2 man in the Federal Bureau of Investigation who helped end the presidency of Richard Nixon.”
“The Secret Man chronicles the story in intimate detail, from Woodward‘s first, chance encounter with Felt in the Nixon White House, to there covert middle-of-the-night meeting in an underground parking garage, to the aftermath of Watergate and decades beyond, until Felt finally step[ped forward at the age of 91 to unmask himself as Deep Throat.”
“The Secret Man reveals the struggles of a patriotic career FBI man, an admirer of J. Edgar Hoover, the Bureau‘s legendary director. After Hoovers death, Mark Felt found himself in the crossfire of one of Washington‘s historic contests as Nixon and and his men tried to dominate the Bureau and cover up the crime of the administration.”
“The fly jacket is rather verbose, so we‘re going to leave it there and join Mr. Daumco on the phone to get his analysis. Good morning Mr. D, I hope everything is fine for you back in Arizona.”
“Thank you Bill. As the saying goes everything is ’Peaches’. It’s still quite early here, the sun just came up, so it’s fairly nice out right now. You know, In Phoenix we have no earthquakes, tornados, hurricanes, tsunamis or snow but we sure do have HEAT. Speaking of heat, I‘m really impressed with your guests today. I’ll bet they can generate some heat of their own and Pam, I love your top today, if that‘s what it is. Didn‘t you wear that on the Howard Stern show?”
“Why Mr. D what a great memory you have. Yes I did wear it for awhile. I’m impressed you remember.”
“Ok Mr. D, we need to move along. What is your analysis of Deep Throat”
“Which one?”
“The book, The Secret Man by Bob Woodward.”
“Yes of course, sorry. Actually Bill. I’m glad you stopped reading the fly jacket because you would have given most of the book away if you had kept reading. To say that The Secret Man is laconic is like saying Phoenix is somewhat warm. For one of the biggest secrets of our times, Woodward had surprisingly little to say. The book is short! Short on information. Short on revelations. Short on words (about 40,00 I‘d guess). Short on interest. Short, Short, Short. That‘s not to say the book is totally without merit. Woodward continues to write in his ‘aw shucks‘, ‘down home’ style of writing and he does manage to give Deep Throat a face. A face of a kindly old befuddled gentleman now and the proud, confident, mildly ruthless, extremely secretive informer of the seventies.”
“Much to the authors chagrin he was unable to ascertain Felt‘s true motive‘s behind his secretive revelations before his dementia and we are subjected to his rehashing of all that has been said by his contemporaries in the past. However, we do get to see a side of Woodard that I had never suspected. That of a pushy, prodding, sometimes demanding but not ungrateful recipient of Felt’s largess. As Woodward recites the events, it seems that Felt, whatever his motives, be it personal, or resentment of the Nixon team for compromising his beloved FBI, was recalcitrant and events would not have moved forward, without Woodward’s persistence. This ultimately led to a split of these unlikely friends where Felt wouldn‘t take Woodward‘s calls and they did not talk for a period of some twenty years.”
“My feeling is that although Woodward had his book ready to go in draft form, he was taken by surprise by the sudden surprise announcement from Felt’s family and was rushed to come up with the finished manuscript. As short as the book is, it seems it was stretched by repeating things in the last third of the book. I found this repetition annoying. In summary I found the book mildly amusing and I‘m glad I read it, if for nothing else, to get a feeling for the man they called Deep Throat. Was he a hero or a traitor? My sense is that Nixon and his gang were out of control and Ship of State was dangerously listing and Felt with some help from Woodward and Bernstein were to only ones bailing the water at first. Yeah he was a hero. Wish we had some of his ilk today. He wasn’t obsequious. Nor was he a sycophant. He would have never said ‘Mr. President, it’s a slam dunk’.”
“I have mixed feelings about the book. I feel like the book was rushed for obvious reasons. The story, what there is of if is compelling but seems incomplete. I give it a rating of 3.2 Stars.”
“Great! Well thanks once again for your input Mr. D. When we return we’ll get a new viewpoint from our panel.”
_______________________________
“Welcome back folks. Now it‘s time to get our panel‘s opinion of The Secret Man. As Usual we start with ET. Hailey, What does ET think about our book.”
“Yes Pamela”
“Yes, I thought the book was a little short on specifics and tended to be redundant in order to appear to be more substantial than it was. Other than that I thought it was an average read despite that Deep Throat was my hero.”
“Thank you Pamela. That was very insightful, for you. Anybody else? Yes Monica.”
“I thought the book was wonderful. I‘ll admit I hadn‘t personally heard of Mark Felt but I was impressed. He was obviously a man of integrity, a virile, powerful man who almost single handedly brought down a President. I wish I had known him when he was young, at his peak.. I would have helped him bring the President down.”
“Thank you Monica. I‘m sure you could have been a big help to Deep Throat in bringing down the President. I think you‘ve had some experience along those lines. ET, Do you have anything to say? ET? Linda what are you doing to him?”
“Chill out Bill. He‘s cute. I used to have a teddy bear like him. Don‘t worry, he just put his finger by my mouth and pushed it in then out and so forth. He seems to like that. He‘s harmless.”
“I hate to tell you Linda but that‘s not his finger.”
“Oh?”
“So What does ET think about Deep Throat, Hailey?”
“ET says he thinks she‘s the real McCoy. Is that how you say it?”
“I don‘t suppose he has any comments about The Secret Man, the book about the other Deep Throat?”
“ET can‘t really talk right now, but I can tell you that he doesn‘t understand human politics and he‘s very happy you invited Linda here today.”
“Monica what are you doing”
“Linda said it tastes good and I was just checking it out.”
Pamela does a double take and says, “Really, it tastes good?”
“Well I want to thank the TV audience for viewing our show. We‘re going to have to leave it there for now.”
“Pamela, What are you doing?”
“Tastes like chocolate, Bill”
“No it doesn‘t, it tastes like strawberries”
“I thought it tasted minty”
“Goodbye and don‘t forget to join us next week”
Silly Things 