A SILLY SEXUAL FARCE


Bacchanales Sexuelles (DVD)

Ok! So it had a Swiss cheese plot. That’s not so unusual for a soft core move is it? I’ve seen my share of soft porn movies and usually, not always but usually, what was lacking in a storyline was made up by the fact, that numerous gorgeous gals were romping around in the altogether, doing stimulating things to make you forget, there was even supposed to be a plot.

Yes, Bacchanalles had a lot of nudity and a lot of make believe sex but except for the star, Joelle Coeur, who was genuinely a looker, most of the rest, looked like the girls, that get better looking at closing time. I know everybody can’t always be fussy about the women they make love to, but certainly, they can be fussy about the ones they watch women make love. Right?

So what do we have? We have a plot, which, believe it of not, could have been the inspiration for “Eyes Wide Shut”. Oops! I’ve already said too much! Bacchanalles Sexuelles, meaning `sexual festival`, features a generally unattractive cast of amateurish, stiff (not that way) actors and actresses, performing mostly sans clothing, in a fairly low budget, thirty year old erotic, French movie, with subtitles, where you sometimes have to choose between reading the subtitles, or watching the action. Still interested? Read on.

Valerie, the one bright spot in the movie, played by Joelle Coeur, who along with her friend Sophia, (Brigette De Borghese) is apartment sitting for her cousin, when Sophia, unbeknownst to Valerie is kidnapped by a sex cult. Valerie is awakened in the morning by Fred, whom Sophia apparently invited over without Valerie’s knowledge. Fred forces Valerie to have sex, which she ultimately enjoys.

In the meantime The culprits realize they have kidnapped the wrong girl, for they really needed Valerie and not Sophia for their evil purposes, so the head seductress, (my expression) sends one of the cultists, pretending to be a maid, back to the apartment to garner information on Valerie, where she promptly ends up in a bathtub with Valerie and Fred before taking their ma`nage a trois to the small (double) bed in the bedroom, where the action continues for what seems like hours.

Eventually the real maid shows up and Fred and Valerie, the super sleuths (that`s sleuths as in detectives, not sluts as in ….) that they are, start to unravel the mystery of Sophia. But not until we have a half dozen more sex scenes including the grand finale, an orgy of cultists. WOW!
Conclusion

I suppose this movie in a sense was an orgy. An excess of mediocrity. It also had a sense of absurdity. This may have been purposeful, which, it was would somewhat mitigate against the amateurish feeling of the film, However, that said, for all it`s weaknesses, it wasn’t that bad. Like I said the story was full of holes and except for two ladies, the femmes were closer to homely than attractive, or they were hard and used looking. That said, their bodies were decent and the were enough (probably a dozen) sex scenes, that I wouldn’t stop anyone from watching this bomb.

Another point should make is that being filmed over thirty years ago and in Europe, the girls were unshaved, including in some cases, under the arms. Also the color quality was a little flat.

June 7, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , . movie, naked, sensual, sensuous, sex, Softcore, women. Leave a comment.

Secret Things – A Softcore Movie Worth Seeing.

Secret Things, French name – Choses Secretes, is the kind of movie one either loves or hates. I happened to be a lover. Even the fact that the movie was French with English sub titles did not dampen my enjoyment.

CAST
Coralie Revel – Nathalie
Sabrina Seyvecou – Sandrine
Roger Mirmont – Delacroix
Fabrice Deville – Christophe
Blandine Bury – Charlotte
Olivier Soler – Cadene

DIRECTOR
Jeanne-Claude Brisseau

THE PLOT
Roommates Nathalie (Coralie Revel) and Sandrine (Sabrina Seyvecou) compose a strategy to dispense sex strategically to manipulate men into submission for financial gain and advancement. They commence their plan at a large prestigious Paris brokerage house. After initial successes and rapid advancement, they meet their match in the company CEO, Christophe (Fabrice Deville) the handsome amoral son of the company’s founder.

THE STORY
A shapely woman reclines on a day bed. She is restless and she is NAKED. A spotlight seems to highlight her gyrations and machinations. She sits up and slips into high-heeled sandals. She leans back and puffs out her chest. She places one hand upon her breast and kneads her nipple. The hand moves down across her midriff to her sex and she massages it. Suddenly she stands up and deliberately struts across the hardwood floor. After a dozen or so purposeful steps, facing the camera, she lowers herself to her knees and bends back once again. The spotlight is still on her as she masturbates and as she masturbates, the camera pans right. After panning about ninety degrees, you start to see people sitting at tables and the more it pans, you realize you are in a nightclub and the woman is an exotic performer. The woman is Nathalie.

Nathalie and Sandrine a recently hired bartender were fired that night because Nathalie would not allow the owner to force Sandrine to sleep with a customer. Tossed out on the street with nowhere to go, Sandrine accepted Nathalie’s offer to spend the night. At her apartment, Nathalie urges Sandrine to loosen up after she admitted to admiring Nathalie’s nerve and lack of inhibitions.

Nathalie, with her dry humor and strong will, made Sandrine laugh and eventually coerced her to do in front of her what Nathalie had done in front of an audience. With that, the bond was sealed and plans were laid, based on Nathalie’s distorted view of love and sex, to manipulate all men and make a place in society for themselves. After the women’s initial successes and having compromised their boss Delacroix, (Roger Mirmont), their plan begins to devolve into a whirlpool of ruthlessness, unrequited love, group sex, lesbian sex, three-way sex, and masturbation, in which the only way out appears to be suicide or murder.

CONCLUSION

The highly charged erotic opening scene set the theme for the movie so well, that I was mesmerized for the rest of the movie. True nothing that came after, with the possible exception of an “Eyes Wide Shut” style orgy scene late in the movie, was quite as electric but I still enjoyed the movie immensely. You see Secret Things had a story. It had a plot. A good story, a good plot, and the overall acting was very good. Secret Things is the closest I have viewed to a commercially viable, mainstream, erotic movie.

The movie Secret Things is appropriately named. The storyline is structured on secrets, deception and the duplicitous side of human nature. It is a reflection of a murky, lascivious side of life, which rarely is truly, captured on film. In fact the movie seemed to touch on one form or another, at one point or another, on all of ‘The Seven Deadly Sins’ – pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed and sloth, obviously a perfect sinister erotic movie.

May 20, 2008. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . erotic, five stars, intercourse, naked, Nude, review, romance, satire, sensual, sensuous, sex, sex scene, sex scenes, sexy, Softcore, women. Leave a comment.

Zany Softcore from Playboy, The Fast Lane to Vegas

fast-lane-to-vegas.jpg
Ahh! Fast Lane to Vegas! My kind of movie.

Of the few (scores that is) softcore movies I have viewed, Fast Lane to Vegas would have to be near the top in a list of my favorites. Fast Lane to Vegas is lighthearted, whimsical, sexy and erotic.

Fast Lane to Vegas is a sexual farce and doesn’t pretend to be anything else. The story is ably portrayed by the main characters, Zach (Stephen Harvard), Brian (Steve Curtis), Monica (Renee Rea) and Ashley (Tracy Ryan) and a plethora of attractive supporting cast members.

The Plot

Brian and Monica have a large wedding planned in Las Vegas. Monica, along with her best friend and Maid of Honor, Ashley, are already in Las Vegas, waiting for her fiancé, Brian’s arrival, who along with his friend and Best Man will be driving down from Los Angeles.

The Story

Before leaving for Vegas and his wedding Zack talks Brian into detouring to a showgirl party where Zack has a bachelor party lined up for Brian. Afterward, already late and hurrying to Las Vegas, Zack gets lost and they run across a couple sexy humanoid aliens. Then, trying to find their way back to their destination, they keep running into opportunities for sex with gorgeous horny gals, including in Mexico, where the bartender/mayor/judge decides to hang our boys for their indiscretions.

Meanwhile in Las Vegas, Monica, following Ashley’s example makes hay with a room service waiter and a male stripper. There are a couple side stories as well such as Brian’s future father-in-law hiring Biker Babe (Mia Zottoli) to follow Brian and Zack.

Credited Cast
Stephen Harvard Zack
Steve Curtis Brian
Renee Rea Monica
Tracy Ryan Ashley (as Tracy Angeles)
Nick Pellegrino Barkeep
Flower Juanita (as Flower Edwards)
Tera Patrick WiB #2 (as Tera Hopkins)
Mia Zottoli Biker Babe (as Ava Lake)
Bill Ferrante Mr. Sweethome
Sarah Kalla Heather
Dee Ginger (as Dee Summers)
Kelli McCarty WiB #1
Sasha Peralto Marina
Kelly Alane Chastity

Movie Data
Year: 2000 Indigo Entertainment/Playboy
Directed by: John Quinn
Version: Unrated DVD

Report Card

Story – B
Acting – B+
Directing – B+
Cinematography – A
Cast – A
Eroticism factor – B-
Entertainment factor – A
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Conclusion
For softcore presented in a zany, slapstick style, Fast Lane is very good. The misadventures of Zack and Brian are madcap, goofy and hilarious, especially Zack, who seems to be able to talk Brian into mischief. The ladies are essentially an all-star cast of soft and hardcore stars, as Renee Rea, Tracy Ryan, Angela Davies, Flower Edwards, Tera Patrick, Mia Zottoli, Kelli Mccarthy and Sasha Peralto, all show what they have.
This is the second “Fast Lane” movie that Indigo/Playboy released, the first being “Fast Lane to Malibu”, which featured almost the same cast and much the same concept. Both movies were originally featured on the Playboy channel and both movies are available together as a package. Personally, I didn’t appreciate “Malibu” as much but I will review the two movie package at a future date.

Both films are touted as ‘interactive movies’, where the viewer can choose at certain points either of two scenarios. I tried it a couple times, but I thought it was more a gimmick than something that added to the enjoyment of the movie. After choosing a scenario both ways a couple times and ending up at the same juncture after two or three minutes, I decided not to worry about this marginal feature.

For those wondering, the sex scenes were all well done though obviously simulated and honestly, more amusing than steamy. Still with the attractiveness of the cast involved, the sex scenes are still quite erotic. There were a total of nine sex scenes, including a fairly intense one with a girl pleasuring herself..

Since this movie is offered in both R rating and unrated, I made special effort to make sure I was buying the unrated version. I haven’t viewed the R rated version, but from my experience, unrated versions give me much more of the reason for which I watch softcore movies. Final Rating, 4.4 stars.

April 2, 2008. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . erotic, Hollywood, Las Vegas, naked, Nude, review, satire, sensual, sensuous, sex, sex scenes, sexy, Softcore. 1 comment.

Erotica Gone Wild – Emanuelle in America

This movie is only for the open minded. Expect nudity aplenty along with some explicit sex, bestiality, even simulated snuff film footage.

Movie Poster

I have probably watched, under duress I might add, about a dozen Emmanuelle/Emanuelle movies, out the approximately two dozen or so available movies, (talk about sequels) so for those of you not familiar, a little background is in order. After seeing so many of these movies, I have come to the conclusion that name Emmanuelle means beautiful nymph in French. It is obvious because, in each of these movies, the only common denominator is a gorgeous woman of the world, who sleeps around, a lot.

Ok, I was kidding. The movies have a couple other common denominators, lousy plots and plenty T & A, so it is obvious that these movies were made for one reason and one reason only (other than to make money), to turn people, including me, on, so if you’re looking for brainfood you have mistakenly pushed the eye candy button.

Now, I know you are all dying to know why I said Emmanuelle/Emanuelle. Can you guess? I’ll give you a hint. Franco/Italio. Get it? What have I got to do? Draw you a picture. The first Emmanuelle movies were made in France and it took two years to get over the Alps to Italy and when it did they said ‘mama mia buenvideo’ or something like, that and started making Emanuelle movies, which means in Italian – beautiful fallen angel. As you have now, probably figured out, Emanuelle in America is of the Italio, fallen angel persuasion.

Emanuelle in America

As I said, I have probably viewed a dozen or so of these movies but Emanuelle in America was truly a surprise for me. There were parts in this film that made even me, blush. I didn’t say I closed my eyes or turned my head. I blushed. In fact, I grabbed the remote and went over the parts that made me blush so I could blush a few more times.

####WARNING####

If you are the kind of person who doesn’t like to read about SEX and are easily embarassed or offended and wish you hadn‘t started reading this crazy review about this crazy movie, I understand, I’m the same way, sort of, so go with my blessing. Just give me a Most Helpful before you do and I’ll say a prayer for you and review a Disney movie in the future.

Back to the diehards. Emanuelle in America is one kinky, MF (morbid flick) which is not surprising since it was directed by Joe D’Amato, who is notorious for sex and gore.

PLOT

In this movie, Emanuelle (Laura Gemser), is a “fashion photographer” (of nude women), photo journalist, investigative reporter (both undercover and above cover) and any other thing you can think of. After a preliminary scene where Emanuelle goes down on some guy with a gun that wants to kill her, she goes off to join some millionaire’s zodiac conceived concubine (Emanuelle‘s a Virgo). After bedding his right hand man, an interlude with two other naked girls in the pool and a lesbian scene in a sauna we are treated to a scene where a naked lady masturbates a horse. No really, I’m not kidding. While this is going on, Emanuelle is ostensibly taking voyeuristic photos with a miniature camera, embedded in a bracelet.

After she makes her getaway from the millionaires California compound, Emanuelle hooks up with a Duke? From Venice (Italy) who invites her the annual wingding he and his wife throw. After a manage a trios with the Duke and Duchess we have the shindig, which turns into a big orgy and of course our heroine is walking around the naked bodies, again taking pictures with the little camera, this time mounted in a tasteless costume jewelry necklace with an extra long chain, which is so obvious she may as well blurt out, “Hey, You mind if I take some fu*king pictures”. Here we get our first glimpse of hardcore as a woman performs fellatio.

Next our liberated mostly undercover trollop is off to a Caribbean island she heard about at the orgy, where the services of well endowed men (studs) are available (for sale) to wealthy women. The movie continues with her viewing and photographing more graphic sex, with her poorly hidden camera and even an investigation into the source of some snuff film footage, of which I will not go into.

What’s good

~ As usual Laura Gemser was lovely, though when she was fully dressed, her clothes seemed overly large on her. She must be tiny.

~ I must admit that I was intrigued rather than turned, off by the hardcore scenes. I was caught totally off guard, having never seen them in previous Emmanuelle/Emanuelle movies.

~ There was lots of nudity but except for Emanuelle with her Barbie Doll figure and the anatomically pleasing Duchess, few were exceptionally attractive.

What‘s not

~ Although Miss Gemser is shown entering into numerous intimate scenes, they all cut away before anything beside preliminaries are shown, (exception, the lesbian scenes).

~ For a professional undercover investigative photographer, Emanuelle was certainly obvious with her supposedly surreptitious photography, nor was her camera well hidden.

~ I may be wrong but some of the explicit sexual scenes in the movie looked, to me, like they were borrowed from other films. Oh well, who cares?

~ The story was weak and the ending was terrible but I’d watch it again!

~ In the scene where the kid had a gun to Emanuelle’s head, she didn’t appear to be the least bit nervous, let alone scared. Well, it was a bit laughable.

~ In fact, I guess you would have to say that overall the acting was weak but then who watches these movies for the acting.

~ Some of the cinematography and editing seemed weak as well. That means it looked like your home movies. (The quality not the subject matter {I hope})

Laura Gemser

CONCLUSION

When it comes to this version of Emanuelle, all you have to remember is Laura Gemser. For one hundred minutes we see Laura Gemser traipsing around the world mostly in profile. Now Gemser is a Eurasian beauty, no doubt, but not in profile. She, like another beauty, Heather Locklear do not photograph that well in profile. They kind of look like somebody stole the tip of their nose.

I must admit to some ambivalence regarding this film. On the one hand the film was fascinating, wondering what new kinky perversion D’Amato was going to throw at you next, as he pushed the envelope of decency, by tackling subjects that were taboo in polite society. Overall I enjoyed the film despite numerous flaws, so I’m not sure how I should rate it. I guess I’ll play it safe and rate it in the middle, 3 stars.

PS. This film is not recommended for children under the age of thirty-five!

Author’s Note

I usually try to provide a list of the cast but other than Laura Gemser, I was unable to find any credits for the other participants. Perhaps the supporting cast thought their performances were so bad, they wished remain anonymous.

March 16, 2008. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . erotic, explicit, Humor, intercourse, naked, overated, sex scenes, sexy, Softcore, women. 1 comment.